I've been thinking alot about death lately. As a Christian, I'm not afraid of death because I know that my earthly death brings me closer to the start of my eternal life in heaven. Even so, as much as we try so hard not to be of this world while still operating in it on a daily basis, it's hard not to be a little bummed out about dying and not having done many of the things this world has to offer. It's difficult to know that I haven't yet even come close to being the man I want to be for Christ, for my wife, for my children, for my friends. Even thinking that I might die soon, as any of us might, doesn't seem to change my usual selfish behavior. I think few of us really believe it's the end of our life here on earth until we can see tangible signs of that end or unless we have experienced a "close call" with death. We just go on with our earthly dreams and desires, most of which are not our Lord's dreams and desires for us. Is it God's greatest wish that we get to take that trip to Italy, or see our grandchild graduate from high school, or reach retirement age where we can "take it easy"? Somehow I think God's desires and plans for us are a bit deeper than that. And yet, it's so hard to put aside our own earthly dreams and desires, to surrender them all to God and let His will truly be done in our lives, even if that means leaving this world at a time that is inopportune for us. The truth is none of us change our safe lives much unless God gives us a solid nudge and even then we have to choose to obey Him.
Jesus talked alot about death. And He talked alot about life. The two always seemed to go together. In John 11:25, Jesus says, "I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies". In John 12:25, it says, "The man who loves his life will lose it, while the man who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life". We have to die to our sinful self, and be reborn in the Spirit of Christ, "so that, just as sin reigned in death, so also grace might reign through righteousness to bring eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord" (Romans 5:21). Jesus taught us who believe in Him not to fear death, but to welcome it as a necessary step to life. Still it is hard. Jesus asks us to give up everything and follow him. How many of us have done that? We all seem to cling to our own precious desires until we know for certain there is nothing more we can do to fulfill them. I know Jesus will still accept me into His loving arms as He would any of His children, but I would so much like to have grown beyond my childish ways. I wish I could impress Him with my growth and maturity, showing how my life is a study in diligent focus on my relationship with Him.
But alas, my relationships in general are not so mature and I'm sure that our relationships with others are a mirror into how well we have grown in relationship with God. I know I've not succeeded yet and I pray my wife, my children, my friends, and mostly my Lord know that my heart loves them with all that I am capable of, even though my actions fall so pitifully short. I'm so grateful for the many examples of generosity that God has put into my life in order to try and mature me in this area. My wife is the greatest example I know of a person who is truly selfless and extends generosity to everyone around her not just with money, but with her time, her attention, her love. She sacrifices without even thinking twice about it. The same is true of several of my giving friends. They all remind me everyday of our Lord's life of generosity and sacrifice, even for, maybe especially for those who treated Him the worst. It is said there is nothing greater than giving one's life for a friend. I think it is far greater to give one's life even for someone who is your enemy, as Jesus did for all of us. For we have all acted as enemies to Jesus at one time or another and ignored Him when we should have been loving Him, ignored others when we should have been giving to them. I'm willing to keep trying to die to my life for the sake of living for Jesus, and by doing so, living to give my life for others. Are you?
