The Gift Of Tears

When I think of the Holy Spirit, the words Comforter, Helper and Counselor come to mind. My idea of the role of the Holy Spirit has always been one of gentle arms giving me a warm and fuzzy hug, wiping away my tears and giving me the strength to make it through. While these may, indeed, be roles that the Holy Spirit plays in our lives as believers, it is not, I believe, His central role. In the back of my mind, I recalled the phrase: "convicted by the Holy Spirit", but I never fully understood the scope and the gravity of this role.

In John 16:8, Jesus says that "When he (the Holy Spirit) comes, he will convict the world of guilt in regard to sin and righteousness and judgment..." My friends, these past 2-3 years as I have striven for a closer relationship with Jesus, I have definitely felt the conviction of the Holy Spirit in my life for the sins of my past. Many of you know some of the struggles I've gone through with guilt and shame over past sins and my desire to repent and make myself right with God. But even through those struggles, in the back of my mind I still held to the belief that I'm basically a good person. Yes, I'm a sinner, I'm not perfect, I've made many mistakes, I've hurt people, I've done wrong. But I always reasoned and justified that compared to many if not most people, my sins were pretty minor. I've made the point that in our world's standards, my sins would not even warrant jail time. So when I read the words in the Bible telling me that all have sinned and fallen short of God's standards and that the wage of sin is death, I thought that death part didn't apply to me because my sins certainly weren't deserving of death. By extension, I was actually saying then that I didn't need Jesus; that I didn't need Him to save me; that His work on the cross was for all the "bad" people in the world, not me.

You see, I don't think I ever considered myself a sinner deserving of death and needing Jesus' salvation until a few weeks ago. All I know is the Holy Spirit opened my eyes much more clearly to my life and the sins of my past and, perhaps for the first time, I cried out to Jesus to save me and I wept because I knew I didn't deserve to be saved. 2 Corinthians 7:10 says that "Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death". J. Rodman Williams says that “[Conviction] is an action of the Spirit that brings about a profound inner sense of guilt before God. It is a deep conviction of one’s sinfulness and evil.”

Do not misunderstand, being convicted of my sins does not mean that I now wallow in guilt and shame and misery. On the contrary, the Spirit of Truth has begun to set me free. I am rejoicing because I know without a doubt that God is working in my life to make me whole. Before, I felt more like an outsider than a member, because my pride insisted on continuing to justify my relative goodness and Christ's immense sacrifice really seemed like overkill for someone like me. To say that Christ died for my sins seemed unrealistic given that my sins were really not worth dying for. 1 John 1:8-10 says that "If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. If we claim we have not sinned, we make him out to be a liar and his word has no place in our lives."

So, conviction of sin is the first task of the Holy Spirit and the first stage of sanctification. One must truly know one needs saving in order to realize, accept and appreciate being saved. C.H. Spurgeon said that "there can be no grace where there is no guilt..." Oswald Chambers says that "the entrance into the kingdom of God is through the sharp, sudden pains of repentance colliding with man's respectable "goodness". Then the Holy Spirit, who produces these struggles, begins the formation of the Son of God in the person's life." Chambers also says that, while repentance is the foundation of Christianity, "...a person cannot repent when he chooses - repentance is a gift of God." So even though I have asked for God's forgiveness for virtually every sin I can think of over the years that I have committed in my lifetime, my repentance was just a hollow shell because I still saw those sins through the eyes of a sinner. When the Holy Spirit opened my eyes however, I began to see those same sins through the eyes of God and I was appalled.

The Godly sorrow that comes with conviction of one's sins by the Truth-bearer is, without a doubt, the gift of tears; cleansing tears of relief that lead to solemn and sincere repentance by God's grace. But oh my friends what follows!! "The ransomed of the Lord will return. They will enter Zion with singing; everlasting joy will crown their heads. Gladness and joy will overtake them, and sorrow and sighing will flee away (Isaiah 51:11-12)." Then you will look and be radiant, your heart will throb and swell with joy... (Isaiah 60:5)" And someday, "Your sun will never set again, and your moon will wane no more; the Lord will be your everlasting light, and your days of sorrow will end (Isaiah 60:20)."

You Are Not Your Own

Today I was thinking of how often I've brooded and pouted because things never seemed to work out the way I intended for them to. How often have I prayed, "Not my will, but yours Lord" and yet still stung with bitterness and anger when I didn't get what I wanted? 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 says "Do you not know that.......you are not your own; you were bought with a price...". Rather than try to stumble around and think of how to address this subject, I want to just remind everyone of what Oswald Chambers says in his very popular daily devotional, "My Utmost For His Highest":

There is no such thing as a private life, or a place to hide in this world, for a man or woman who is intimately aware of and shares in the sufferings of Jesus Christ. God divides the private life of His saints and makes it a highway for the world on one hand and for Himself on the other. No human being can stand that unless he is identified with Jesus Christ. We are not sanctified for ourselves. We are called into intimacy with the gospel, and things happen that appear to have nothing to do with us. But God is getting us into fellowship with Himself. Let Him have His way. If you refuse, you will be of no value to God in His redemptive work in the world, but will be a hindrance and a stumbling block.

The first thing God does is get us grounded on strong reality and truth. He does this until our cares for ourselves individually have been brought into submission to His way for the purpose of His redemption. Why shouldn't we experience heartbreak? Through those doorways God is opening up ways of fellowship with His Son. Most of us collapse at the first grip of pain. We sit down at the door of God's purpose and enter a slow death through self-pity. And all the so-called Christian sympathy of others helps us to our deathbed. But God will not. He comes with the grip of the pierced hand of His Son, as if to say, "Enter into fellowship with Me; arise and shine". If God can accomplish His purposes in this world through a broken heart, then why not thank Him for breaking yours?

I've struggled, like many, for years with anger, bitterness, envy and other ego-centric, selfish sinful behavior that takes the focus off of Jesus and places it squarely on myself and my circumstances. Over the years I've tried to learn and am still trying to learn how to surrender completely as my Savior surrendered His all for me. My Lord has promised me in Jeremiah 29:11-13 "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." Even when its raining, I will remember to praise the Lord God for allowing me to share in His suffering and to be a part of the accomplishment of His holy purposes.

It's raining in my bedroom
Most every night.
Massive, crushing drops
Keep knocking out my light.

My rain-catchers are everywhere,
My room looks a wreck,
Sometimes I punch at the drops furiously,
It has no effect.

Still I try to match the storm
Fury for fury.
My fate I won't accept,
My fear I can't bury.

The tempest has settled in,
A Lion licking a thick, hard bone.
I have dreams, wishes impossible,
The rain has its own.

Dive Deep!!

In Ted Dekker's widely acclaimed Christian fantasy, the Circle Trilogy, characters live in a world in which, like the Garden of Eden, man has crossed a boundary that God said not to cross and now live in a fallen world that is only a shadow of what it once was. Those who still follow God (called Elyon in the book), must bathe daily in one of several lakes He has provided which have the power to invigorate, refresh, and cleanse the bather while also keeping them from developing the hardened skin and hardened hearts that are characteristic of the Horde, those who reject Elyon. For a Horde member to cross over and become a follower of Elyon, he must dive deep into the lake where he literally dies and then is reborn through Elyon's mercy and love.

I don't think I've ever been completely like a member of the Horde. I've always believed in God and never completely rejected Him. However, even as believers it's far too easy to just walk along the shore, occasionally dipping a toe in the surf; or to just wade into the kiddie pool and splash around occasionally, secure in our little world of "safe" Christianity. Maybe we go to church every Sunday, say grace over our meals, consistently bring our tithe, even do a little volunteer service. But that's just wading in the kiddie pool. Others are even more deluded because they truly believe that they are swimming in the deep waters. They are at church every day the doors are open, attending every service, constantly volunteering in the church and in the community, attending Bible studies and every study series or group event the church sponsors. But for some of those people, they're only stone-skipping, barely breaking the surface.

In fact, for some, this flurry of activity is just a way to keep themselves too busy to ever really go deep. In Matthew 7, Jesus says that many will cry "Lord, Lord", that they did so much for Him, and He will respond, "I never knew you". In "Mere Christianity", C.S. Lewis reminds us that Jesus doesn't just want us to give Him a hand, he wants the whole body. He doesn't just want to be a part of our life, He wants all of our life (Satan has hidden my copy of Mere Christianity from me or I would quote it exactly). Diving deep means going "all in", or "full on" as worship pastor Pace Hartfield says, and giving our heart, mind, soul and body to God every minute of every day. Sound like a tall order? It is and yet I suspect it's simple enough for a child to do and understand.

Diving deep is breathing in the cleansing water of Christ, trusting that I will not drown, but will instead be freer than I've ever imagined. Diving deep is a minute by minute, second by second conversation with Christ, even in silence. Diving deep is leaving who you think you are behind, along with all your man-made dreams and aspirations, and allowing yourself to trust in the God-size dream that you can't quite yet wrap your mind around. Diving deep is not religion my friend. It's breaking free of the pathetic glitter of this world we are visiting and remembering not to get comfortable here. You think you're living large? Unless you're diving deep in your relationship with Christ, you're no more alive than a rotting carcass on the side of the road.

For those about to rot,

Some urgent words I carry.

Rest assured regarding my credentials,

The cancer may assume a different name,

But the death doesn't vary.

My eyes too have squinted through that milky film,

My lips crusted black with dried blood,

The pain in my brain swallowing my vigor,

My legs sprinting nowhere, knee-deep in a flood of mud.

So heed me when I say, I've done my share of rotting

In my world without motion,

And the stench from my sores never ceased for one second,

Until I got out of my pool,

And dived into the ocean.

Swimming in the ocean has never been my style,

With its barnacles, seaweed, and muck from distant foundries.

The swimming pool is clear, filtered

And has the safety of boundaries.

The swimming pool has lifeguards nearby

Who make rules by which to abide.

In the ocean one is alone

With the sea creatures and miles of water,

And constant is the struggle

Against waves, wind, and tide.

Nevertheless, my dive into the ocean

Is truly what set me free.

Maybe there was too much chlorine,

But my swimming pool was choking me.

Freedom now is much more than just a notion,

As now I can swim

With my sloughed off skin

And raft on the fresh salty motion.

Back In Time

Well, I haven't posted anything in almost two months. Although I've had some passionate discussions on important subjects with some close friends, there's been nothing I felt like writing about. So... I've decided to reach back in my distant past, a past in which I used to write constantly, usually in the form of very brief stories, poems or what I called "Notes to Myself". This was about 1993, fifteen years ago!!! After re-reading alot of these writings, and in light of my life and beliefs today, many have taken on a whole new meaning for me than what I originally intended when I wrote them. In the next few weeks or days or months, I'll share some of these thoughts from back in time.

As many of you know me as kind of a quiet fellow, I used to write about things like solitude and feeling like an alien. For example:

Solitude is both a precious gift and a curse.

Like a sweet chocolate, we all crave it at times, but only for a taste as too much can make one sick.

As He did, we all need to disconnect from the multitudes at times and reconnect with that which breathes fire into our souls.

Where the demands are few and the love has no conditions.

When our fire is burning low after so many's expectations met, solitude is a blessed reward.

But any blessing can be turned to ill as those confined to solitary aloneness within steel-barred homes can attest; or a child banished to cry alone behind the locked door of a space fit only for hangars; or an adult-child shunned by all when solitude means failure.

Being connected with the Source is the key to never being alone in the crowd.

The Source keeps us grounded and fans the embers to a healthy glow, but humanity is another piece of the Source without which we cannot be complete.

I love Solitude......................................... in measured portions.

So stay connected to the Source: God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit. Use solitude on occasion to help stay connected to the Source, but know that we are made to share our humanity with others like us too and we need that connection as well. On the topic of our senior pastor's current sermon series, Leaving Lust Vegas, it's also important to remember that the enemy can use too much solitude to make you numb and disconnected. The evil one will then try to lead you into temptation and this should be avoided at all costs. A quick poem I wrote 15 years ago perhaps illustrates how one can get deluded into believing that worldly pursuits will result in a true deep connection, when in fact they are just like stone-skipping on the surface:

Cold air rushes by,

Unfelt.

Updrafts, downdrafts

Pass unnoticed but for occasional

Swift jarring,

Absorbed painlessly as cleaver to carcass.

My engine's soft whirr

Spelling silence breaks

And reminds me my presence

Being real,

Propelling me within this steel case.

What a scene below!

The sounds, colors, smells

Swirling up, up and around

My propellers splashing them

Against the shield.

Deceit most assured,

This cursed craving being all too human

Draws my sight from the hook

To pursue hopeful lure

Ashamedly

Not unknown to me.

Real contact

Tempts me down again,

Wheels only skimming the surface,

Stone-skipping,

Illusory ground only liquid earth after all.

Contact denied.

The Economy Is Bad! Do I Still Have To Tithe?

I give 10% of all of my earnings every month faithfully and joyfully. Most of the time I look forward to it with great anticipation because I know that I am blessed in so many ways that many others are not and it gives me pleasure to know that I can give a little something to those who may not have as many resources as I. I know that it is a privilege for me to give. Most of all though, I know that my Lord commands that I give and it is my desire to be obedient to Him.

However, like most of those around me, the ever worsening economy is hitting me hard and I struggle every month to pay everyday bills. This is when the great deceiver whispers in my ear, "You can't afford to pay that tithe". "Isn't it more important for you to pay for gas and food and electricity?" "That tithe is just a gift you give if you can afford it; it's not a "real" bill". "God will understand if you don't tithe this month". When times get tough, it's tempting to believe these lies. But of course, I don't give my tithe because God needs my money. I don't even really give it because those less fortunate need my money. I give it because I choose to live in obedience and I choose to have faith in God's promises to me. Giving during extraordinary financial crises simply allows me to practice walking in obedience and gives me an opportunity to mature my faith.

Leviticus 27:30 tells me that my tithe ".....belongs to the Lord;" and "it is holy to the Lord". My tithe then is one of my highest forms of worship to the God who sustains my very life. Deuteronomy 14:23 says that by giving the first and best of all that I earn, the Lord will bless me in all the work of my hands. Malachi 3:10 tells us, in fact "Test me in this, says the Lord Almighty, and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that you will not have room enough for it". Wow! I don't want to miss out on that kind of blessing!

My tithe to the church is the most important "bill" I pay each month for "We will not neglect the house of our God" (Nehemiah 10:37). It requires discipline in difficult times right now to make the tithe the very first check I write. Even as I am trying to decide which bills to put off til later because there is not enough to pay them all, skipping the tithe is not even a consideration.

So, don't let Satan's tempting whispers cheat you out of the rich blessings God has in store for you if you remain faithful and obedient to Him. God knows what your needs are and He sees your financial challenges. He will see you through every obstacle if you stand firm and don't waver. Do you trust Him?

I Sinned, But Should I Go To Hell?

Are there those of you out there who feel like you've never really done much that would warrant a trip to hell? I've felt that way many times. Am I a sinner? Absolutely. As are we all. But if I compare my sins to laws I've broken, I've done very few things that would have even gotten me arrested. Even then, I would have most likely been given a fine, probation, at most a night or two in jail. Prison worthy behavior? Not even close. Behavior demanding the death penalty? Absolutely not.

Of course, one problem with my comparison is that God's judgement and man's judgement are not the same. God's judgement is perfect and man's judgement is flawed. Still, the "wage of (any) sin is death"? As I've just alluded to, to make things worse, most Christians believe that all sins are equally bad. So, thinking unrighteous angry thoughts about someone is equal in sin to murdering someone. Speeding in my car and running a red light are equal in sin to robbing a 7-Eleven. When I researched this issue on the Internet, I found a number of arguments regarding this issue. Some believe that all sins are not equal and point to the Bible to make their argument. For example, in Matthew 23:23, Jesus criticizes the Pharisees for obeying the law of tithing while ignoring matters of justice, mercy and faithfulness, which He describes as "the more important matters of the law", and thus seemingly indicating that some sins are more serious than others. Another example is 1 Corinthians 5:9-11 in which the sin of sexual immorality is singled out as a more grievous sin requiring special discipline. Similarly, in 1 Timothy 3, the sin of dishonesty is singled out as it disqualifies a man from being an elder in the church.

Some argue, as Augustines and Wesleyans do, that there are "small" sins and "great" sins and, therefore all sins are not equal. Others believe that it is the person's intent that matters most when it comes to sin. For example, if one defiantly carries out a sin with full knowledge that it is wrong, and especially if their intent is to harm another, this is a more serious sin. Some argue that seeing all sin as equal leads to a distorted worldview and discredits the integrity of God. If thinking about adulterous behavior is exactly the same as actually having an affair, then there are many who may go ahead with the affair since, by God's standards, they've already committed the affair anyway. C Michael Patton says on his blog that, since Matthew 5:32 condemns divorce except for marital infidelity, and since most marital partners have probably lusted in their minds after someone else at least once, and since lust and adultery are equal in the sight of God, some might conclude that you might as well get a divorce if you want one because your spouse has already been unfaithful (Please note that C Michael Patton is not advocating this course of action and neither am I).

So here's what I think. We are all sinners, even if they are "small" sins. Continuous sinning, whether big or small, leads to spiritual death (Ephesians 2:1). Without Jesus, we are all spiritually dead and we will stay that way for eternity. Being spiritually dead means we can never be truly fulfilled, happy, joyous, secure or at peace. Being spiritually dead means we are flawed, stained, tainted, defiled, unholy, unrighteous and unfit to stand in the presence of our Holy, Perfect, Righteous God. Being spiritually dead means we have no connection or relationship with our Creator. It means we have chosen not to be a part of God's family. The worst sin of all is pride and arrogance. To believe that there is no God despite all of the evidence around me and to believe that I need no one, especially God in my life, is the sin in which I choose on my own to live an eternity separated from God. And that is hell in my opinion. I don't know how I feel about all unrepentant sinners being cast into a fiery lake to burn for all eternity, but I do believe they will live separated from God and that will be hell enough.

Jesus said that we need a spiritual transformation, to be re-born in the Spirit (2 Corinthians 5:17; Titus 3:5; 1 Peter 1:3; 1 John 2:29; 3:9; 4:7; 5:1-4, 18). The only way to make sinners holy and righteous was for Jesus Himself to be a Holy sacrifice for all of our sins, past present and future. Once we are believers and followers of Christ, perhaps the arguments surrounding which sins are greater than others become moot points since we are saved and forgiven for all of our sins by His grace and mercy. Of course this doesn't give us free license to sin since we are saved and forgiven. On the contrary, I believe the sincere follower, convicted by the Holy Spirit and sanctified by the sacrifice of our Lord, could not and would not carry on with a life of deliberate sin.

Lord, thank you for your guidance and wisdom when I have doubts and for your mercy and forgiveness when I question your righteous judgement. I pray that anyone who has yet to see that their life of sin, however small, is keeping them down, would see through Your eyes. That those who are bored, depressed, angry, and fearful would know that there is a better way to live. That those who think they already are righteous and good and deserving of heavenly reward, would realize that they also are too tainted to stand in God's presence on their own, but by accepting your Son Jesus and His gift of forgiveness and mercy, freely given, they may share in eternal life and fellowship with You.

Jesus Laughed

Didn't He? Like many who have speculated on this subject, I find it impossible to believe that in Jesus life here on earth that He did not laugh. Certainly as a child growing up among many other children, brothers, cousins, etc.., He had to have had experiences of amusement. While the Bible never specifically cites a time that Jesus laughed or even chuckled, it is very clear that Jesus had a quick and sardonic wit and sense of humor. Many have pointed to His parables and examples He used such as "straining out a gnat and swallowing a camel" in Matthew 23:24; or "it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of God" in Matthew 19:23; or "Why do you see the speck that is in your brother's eye, but you do not notice the plank that is in your own eye?" in Matthew 7:3-5.

Some say Jesus was making a pun when he said to Peter (Petros in Greek) that he would be the rock (petra in Greek) on which the church would be built (Matthew 16:18). I also cannot help but believe that Jesus set up His walking on the sea out to the disciples boat as a big practical joke to scare the daylights out of them! Kind of like when I jump out from a darkened corner in front of my wife and yell "BOO!" and watch her yelp and jump three feet. It makes me crack up laughing and I think Jesus may have enjoyed this kind of humor as well. Remember, as Pastor Mark Driscoll and others have said, Jesus spent quite a bit of time wandering around and camping out with 12 other guys. Can you imagine 12 guys camping out together for an extended period of time and not joking around and laughing and playing jokes on each other? Pastor Driscoll even speculates on whether or not Jesus played "pull my finger" with the disciples.

Do you believe I'm being disrespectful? Sacreligious? My point is that I get great pleasure in beginning to realize that not only was Jesus fully God, but He was FULLY man. To be fully man means he laughed, chuckled, giggled, belly-laughed, guffawed, maybe even snorted water through His nose from laughing so hard. He would not be human otherwise. It has helped revolutionize my prayer life and communication in relationship with Jesus. How much easier it is to have a close, intimate, loving relationship with Him when I can actually even joke around with Him! We are taught that the thing God wants most is to be in relationship with us. Many have said that God is in love with us and we should be madly in love with Him. But think about your relationships, with your spouse, with your best friends, with your children. How can you possibly have a close, intimate relationship with them if you cannot joke and kid and be playful with one another. If my relationship with God is completely one of Authority to subordinate, Creator to created, Lord to subject, I can never have a truly open, caring, loving, close relationship.

I think for most of us, our natural state-of-being, our born nature is to laugh and have fun. For me, it is stresses and worries that shut me down and cease my natural laughter and joking nature. When I am stress-free (let's just say less stressed), I love to laugh and joke around with people. So did Jesus laugh? Absolutely! DOES our living Lord laugh everyday? Absolutely! Go ahead, tell Jesus a joke in your prayers today and see if you don't find the two of you laughing together.

Evidence of Faith

Recently, I was browsing around http://www.godtube.com/ and I found a video of a pastor speaking at a youth evangelical conference in which he was supposed to have made some shocking statements. Obviously, my interest was piqued. You can view the video at http://www.godtube.com/view_video.php?viewkey=19fd9c84c942a08316e0. Strangely, after watching the video, while I found it to be very powerful, I really didn't find it to be all that shocking. As I walk closer with Jesus, it gets easier for me to recognize truth when I see it, and I found truth in this video. Okay, so what was so shocking you ask? Basically, the pastor stated that even though you may have repeated the words of the "Sinner's Prayer" stating that you recognize you are a sinner and you believe through faith in Jesus Christ, etc.., that you may not, in fact, be saved.

His concern is for those who say they repeated the words with their lips and claim to have meant it in their heart, but in fact, were not actually sincere. How does one know if he or she was actually sincere? He will know because there will be evidence of faith, evidence of change in his life. Though he will still be far from perfect in his actions, if he truly received the Holy Spirit and Jesus into his heart, there will be a new conviction in his soul that demands change in his life. Take for example, a group of 12-year-olds, all best buddies, all at church summer camp together, when one night at the revival meeting, there is an altar call and three of the five buddies go immediately to ask Jesus to come into their hearts. The other two stand there for a second, unsure what to do because they felt no such call to do anything, but wanting to go along with whatever their friends are doing, they also go to the front and bow their heads and repeat the Sinner's Prayer as instructed. Let's go on to suppose that from that day forward, these last two reluctant repenters do absolutely nothing differently in their lives. They never pray, nor read the Bible; they get drunk every weekend, they have adulterous relationships, etc.. until the day they die. Were these last two in fact saved? The pastor in the video used Matthew 7:17-23 as the primary basis for his teaching that perhaps the two in question were not actually saved. Of course, who are we to judge another person's salvation? Only God knows a person's heart and only God saves. However, is it right to let individuals believe that simply stating some words by rote will magically give them eternal life and salvation and that no action is required on their part after asking for and receiving Jesus into their heart?

In Matthew 7, Jesus is speaking and He says some key things such as the gate to life is narrow and only a few will find it; that a bad tree cannot bear good fruit and that a tree that doesn't bear good fruit is cut down and thrown in the fire; that not everyone who says "Lord, Lord" will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only those who do the will of the Father. I don't at all think that He is saying that we must do good works to enter heaven. As I have said in a previous post, our best deeds are but filthy rags to the Lord. We can never do good enough works to warrant entry into heaven and eternal life. However, I do think He may be saying that professions of faith with your lips alone are not good enough; you must also back it up with evidence of faith by carrying out the will of the Father.

Evidence of this belief, although often contested by some, are the words written in James 2:14-17,

"What good is it, my brothers, if a man claims to have faith but has no deeds? Can such faith save him? Suppose a brother or sister is without clothes and daily food. If one of you says to him, "Go, I wish you well; keep warm and well fed," but does nothing about his physical needs, what good is it? In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead."

He goes on to say in James 2:24 that "You see that a person is justified by what he does and not by faith alone" and in 2:26 "As the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without deeds is dead". See http://evangeliku.blogspot.com/2008/05/st-james-not-by-faith-alone.html for more on this.

As our pastor taught us in recent weeks, a true Christ follower who is awake in Christ can be distinguished by the fact that he is Knowing, Sowing and Growing. That is, he cultivates an intimate relationship with Jesus on a daily basis so that he will truly know Him; he sows by trying to bring the Good News of Christ to others in his sphere of influence; and he grows in spiritual maturity as evidenced by his loving relationship with others and actions of service to others. Knowing Christ and being in relationship with Him is, perhaps, the most critically important of the three, and if carried out, always leads to the other two. Jesus tells several parables in the book of Matthew in which people were cast out because, as Jesus said, " I never knew you". This is another example of how simply being a good person or doing many good deeds does not save a person. Jesus did the work of salvation Himself on the cross and it is only by His grace that we are saved by His sacrifice. Jesus did this out of a profound love for His Creation and His desire to live in relationship with us. Growing into a love relationship with our Lord is everything. It's all that is really important. And of course it is (not coincidentally) the greatest commandment: to love the Lord with all your heart. If one is really really trying to do that, then inevitably I think that person will begin to grow in a love relationship with everyone around him and through that love relationship will eventually feel compelled to serve others, to meet others needs, and to perform acts of compassion and kindness. As I grow in my relationship with Jesus, as I begin to surrender willingly all of myself to Him, I will become indelibly part of Him, one with Him, even as He is one with the Father. As my faith grows, so too I believe will the evidence of my faith in my daily actions.

I don't know if that person who spoke the Sinner's Prayer just to go along with the group, just going through the motions with no sincerity or heart and with no subsequent actions that would evidence that their faith has changed their life is truly saved or not. That's for God to decide. I pray though that that person's first declaration of faith, ill-conceived or insincere though it may be, will act like the ploughing of a new field, preparing the soil of their heart to one day be ready to take root and produce good fruit.

Are You Of This World?

I don't know about you, but probably one of the hardest concepts for me to apply is the realization that while I have to live in this world, this world is not my home. While I have a purpose and work to do in this world, this world is not to be my primary focus. While there are many, many interests competing for my attention every day in this world, none of them are all that important. This world has the ability to consume us. To many, the world is reality and God and heaven are just dreams, fantasies. While I cannot deny that the pains and suffering, the longings and feelings, the joys and loves of this world are very real to us, they are only real like a soap bubble that is there.......then is gone, and contain about as much substance. While there is truth and meaning to be found in this world, mostly we are surrounded by the results of the prince of lies and deceit. And yet we cling to this life and its lies and transitory substance with mislead hope and aspiration. Jesus tell us in John 12:25 that,

"The man who loves his life will lose it, while the man who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life."

Was it easier for Jesus to live in this world than it is for us? After all, he says in John 8:23,

“You are from below; I am from above. You are of this world; I am not of this world."

To believe that it was easier for Jesus would be to put into question the fact that Jesus was fully human in addition to being fully God and would make a mockery of His suffering and death on the cross. So how did Jesus overcome this world and live in it without letting it enslave Him? For one, He lived in perfect obedience to the Father. He never allowed His focus to waver from the Father. Instead, he cultivated an intimate relationship with the Father and through this relationship was able to continually renew His mind to heavenly things when tempted by things of this world. Romans 12:2 says,

"Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will."

And 1 Corinthians 3:19 goes on to say,

"For the wisdom of this world is foolishness in God’s sight. As it is written: “He catches the wise in their craftiness”; and again, “The Lord knows that the thoughts of the wise are futile.”

We have to stop living for the world and start living for our real home which is heaven. There is a kind of paradox. On the one hand, we often think, especially when we are younger, that death is a long way away and we have all the time in this world that we need. For this we are reminded in 1 Corinthians 7:29,

"What I mean, brothers, is that the time is short. From now on those who have wives should live as if they had none; those who mourn, as if they did not; those who are happy, as if they were not; those who buy something, as if it were not theirs to keep; those who use the things of the world, as if not engrossed in them. For this world in its present form is passing away."

So it is good to remember that we have a purpose in this world that is greater than making money, than finding a mate, or accumulating things and that we should use our short time in this world wisely to achieve the purpose for which God has sent us.

On the other hand, we have to stop living as if our 80 years on this earth is all there is and then we are at the end. No, we will all live forever. Forever separated from God in hell or forever united with God in heaven. Forever is a whole lot longer than 80 years, is it not? Therefore, doesn't it make more sense to live today preparing for your "real" life in heaven? If you are still a slave to the sins of this world, take heart, I too used to think heaven was kind of a dreamer's fantasy that might or might not be real and liked to think I was smart enough to rely on intellect and logic instead of that faith stuff. As Ephesians 2:1 says,

"As for you, you were dead in your transgressions and sins, in which you used to live when you followed the ways of this world and of the ruler of the kingdom of the air, the spirit who is now at work in those who are disobedient. All of us also lived among them at one time, gratifying the cravings of our sinful nature and following its desires and thoughts. Like the rest, we were by nature objects of wrath."

The wrath of God that is. But there's a happy ending to this story and hope for any of you who now realize that this world holds nothing for you. For Ephesians 2:4 goes on to say,

"But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved. And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus, in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace, expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus. For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. "

Father, I pray that this world will lose its hold on me more and more completely as my relationship with you grows, and by growing faith in Christ Jesus I learn that He has already overcome the world and by allowing Him to live fully within me and direct my daily actions, I too can overcome the sins and temptations of this world. I pray that anyone who does not yet know You and who is still enslaved by the lies of this world, will make the decision today to allow you to set them free and to realize that their future is not of this world.

Humility And Forgiveness

Humility seems to be a theme that God has put on my heart lately. Could it be because I am so helplessly prideful? Perhaps. I'm also beginning to see more clearly the connection between humility and forgiveness. One has to humble oneself, I think, in order to be able to truly forgive. I think of all of the times that someone betrayed me or disrespected me and, if I wasn't thinking of some way to get them back, I was at least planning to give them "the cold shoulder" and let them know that, for me, they don't even exist. All I could think about was how badly they had wronged me, how I had done nothing to deserve such treatment by them. Now think of God, the sole Creator of everything that exists, including our own pitiful little selves, and despite all that He has given us, we continue to disrespect Him, to betray Him, to ignore Him, to give Him "the cold shoulder", and to curse Him. If I were God, I probably would have already gone on a rampage and wiped out the earth several times over in my fury that these little..... little.... creatures made from the dirt on the ground, could even DARE to defy me and show such disrespect for me.

But I'm not God. And thankfully our God is radically different from me. Our God actually shows love and patience to these whiny, ungrateful betrayers. Not only that, our God CHOSE to humble Himself and come down from heaven as fully and completely one of us, to live a life of challenges, temptations and hardships just like our own, to LET His own creations beat Him, spit upon Him and nail Him to a cross, and after all that to STILL say "Forgive them.." Where I would have been beating people over the head with that cross, Jesus was using it to forgive them. And He didn't just do it for His friends, those who loved Him. He gave His life for those who were His enemies too. Un--believe---able... Jesus, who was fully God while still being fully human, could have said, "Ok, enough of this. I tried to be one with you. I tried to show you the way, but you aren't listening. I AM GOD PEOPLE AND MY WILL IS GOING TO BE DONE!!!!" But that's not how Jesus works, that's how this world works. Jesus gave us the greatest lesson in humility that has ever existed.

I've seen, heard of and experienced numerous examples over the past weeks of hard-to-forgive situations: ungrateful and self-centered children, black sheep siblings who took wrongful advantages and compromised their family's trust, staff who've taken their employer's teaching and resources and started their own company down the street, co-workers who take credit for your work, ex-spouses who've twisted truth to turn the children against you, etc.. It's easy to become cynical, unloving, untrusting, and hateful in these circumstances. We feel justified in retaliating or complaining about how badly we've been treated. But what does Jesus tell us to do?

In Genesis 50:21, after being almost killed, betrayed and sold into slavery by his own brothers, Joseph, now in a position of authority over them, forgave his brothers and he "reassured them and spoke kindly to them". In Exodus 32:32, after leading the Israelites out of slavery, putting his own life at risk, the Israelites ignore Moses commands from God and create/worship their own idols. Instead of ditching them, Moses pleads with God to forgive the people and even offers to give up his own place in the Book of Life if God will only forgive the people and give them another chance. In Luke 15, Jesus tells us about the son who demanded his inheritance before his father had even passed away and then proceeded to go out and squander it all on gluttonous and trivial pursuits. When the son ran out of money and came slinking back to his father in shame and embarassment, the father did not turn him away, but instead embraced him in love and threw a party for him. In Matthew 6:15, Jesus tells us that if we do not forgive others, God will not forgive us. In Matthew 18:22, Jesus tells us not only to forgive but to keep on forgiving over and over ("....from your heart" Matthew 18:35), not just seven times, but seventy-seven times!!! In Luke 6:37, Jesus tells us "Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven". In Colossians 3:13 we are told to "Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you."

Does it get any clearer? Over and over Jesus tells us to forgive, to turn the other cheek, to go two miles if asked to go a mile, to give both my hat and my coat if asked for my hat. What keeps us from obeying is pride, ego, arrogance, greed, and lack of humility. I like to read Romans 12 over and over again as a reminder. "Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse" (Romans 12:14); and "Do not repay anyone evil for evil." (Romans 12:17); and "Do not take revenge...... On the contrary: If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head." (Romans 12:19-20)

Everyone, no matter how seemingly vile, despicable, and far from God, deserves salvation and forgiveness. No matter how poorly I feel I have been treated, my oppressor deserves my love and forgiveness, that comes from the Lord Jesus Christ. I know from experience that retaliation doesn't work. Righteous indignation doesn't work. Whining and complaining on my blog doesn't work. Only love and forgiveness that comes from a heart focused on Jesus works. It confounds and astounds those who persecute us. And ultimately, it has the power to transform. I cannot truly forgive though as long as I am wallowing in my pride, my justifications, my need to be right, or my desire to win. It takes a humble heart to forgive and really mean it.

Confessions Of A Loser

Many of you who know me know that I love the game of poker. I play regularly in an amateur poker league that holds tournaments at various restaurants and sports bars around town each week. There is no money paid and people mainly play, like I do, for the competition, the chance to accrue points and be the best player at various venues, and for the social contact with friends who play. I've often referred to this as my "poker ministry" because, although I play with many Christians, many of the players appear to be far from Jesus and I try to influence them toward Jesus in my own small ways while I play.

I've had my share of success on the felt and certainly more than my share of losses. Poker is definitely a game of skill, contrary to many people's beliefs, but also has a component of chance involved. This means that even the most skillful player who makes all the correct moves can be beaten on any given day by someone who gets lucky. Lately I've had an unusually high number of such instances in which I was beaten against extremely high odds. Given my competitive nature, this has resulted in anger and frustration and, quite frankly, a good dose of self-pity at my bad fortune even though I played correctly. Dont' get me wrong, I am a good sport at the table. I always smile, say "good game" and initiate shaking the hand of the person who beat me. It just gets to me sometimes when I seem to lose over and over again with the best starting hand and someone who doesn't seem to "deserve" to win beats me by catching an impossible one card in the deck that can beat me. I've also begun to notice a pattern that out of seven people at the table who could have beaten me, it is ALWAYS the one person at the table that is most annoying to me that beats me. They are usually very loud, proclaiming how great they are, are extremely lucky with the worst cards, etc...

So what does all of this mean? I see several themes here. The two biggest ones, my biggest challenges in my walk with Jesus, are complete surrender and pride/ego. By identifying someone at the table who annoys me and I think doesn't "deserve" to win, I am being arrogant, prideful and egotistic. Instead of loving that person despite their faults, I'm despising them and desperately hoping to see them lose. Is it no wonder that Jesus sees to it that I lose to that very person instead of any one of six others I could have lost to? Perhaps some of you think that Jesus doesn't involve Himself in the outcome of card games. I think He does when He is trying to teach somebody something.

So for me, I think He is desperately trying to teach me how to die to self so I can truly live for Him. I have to surrender completely. I have to lose my ego in order to gain humility. On the way home from a horrendous loss in a tournament today, I looked up to see a large billboard on the highway from some company like the Weight Control Center that said in huge letters "You have everything to gain by losing". Coincidence? I think not. Jesus said it over and over again. Many who are first will be last and many who are last will be first (Mark 10:31; Matthew 19:30; Matthew 20:16) and whoever wants to save his life will lose it but whoever loses his life for me will find it (Matthew 16:25; Matthew 10:39; Mark 8:35; Luke 9:24; Luke 17:33; John 12:25).

Father God, Jesus, help me to learn how to give up my pride and ego and things of this life so that I can truly have the life You intended for me to have and help to win souls for you, not card games for me.

Are You A Rock Or Do You Roll?

The Bible has approximately 106 references to the word "rock" found within its pages. Most of these are either references to God or Jesus ( Deuteronomy 32:4, 1 Samuel 2:2, 2 Samuel 22:47 )or they are referencing actual rocks used as places of safety (such as a cave, 1Chronicles 11:15, Numbers 24:21), as places to offer sacrifices ( Judges 6:20), or as an object on which miracles were made to happen (Nehemiah 9:15). In most cases, a rock is synonymous with being a foundation upon which other things are built (like Peter and Christ's church); an immovable barrier or shield; a fortress of safety; or a force which can be counted upon; dependable, unchanging, unyielding.

Clearly, God is all of these things for us. In times of trouble, He is our shield, our fortress, our safe harbor, our Rock of safety. His resolve never weakens and He never falters in His love and mercy for us. He will never stab us in the back or give us the cold shoulder or deny Himself to us if we seek Him. God is our Rock everlasting. The question is, are you a rock for God?

Do you wave God's banner proudly in all circumstances, never wavering or denying Him? Do you remain faithful to Him even when tragedy strikes? Do you continue to show your love for Him even when you're not feeling very loving? Can God depend upon you to walk in His will even when it doesn't match your vision for yourself? Or do you "roll" around in indecisiveness, fear, anxiety, and lack of faith?

Doesn't God also deserve our unyielding love and faith in Him in all circumstances? We can pay no higher praise than to be "all in" for God, living in faithful abandon to Him, trusting Him completely with every aspect of our lives.

Trust in the LORD forever, for the LORD, the LORD, is the Rock eternal (Isaiah 26:4).

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight (Proverbs 3:5-6).

Our Best Deeds Are But Filthy Rags

Day after day I'm reminded of how hard it is to escape from original sin. Perhaps the greatest sin of all, Satan's downfall, and that of our earliest ancestors, has been that of Pride and Ego. Our world is so full of opportunities to cheat someone else, to take a shortcut that gives us an unfair advantage, to ignore another's plight because our involvement may interfere with our own selfish plans. To give when it hurts is completely foreign it seems to many of us. Indeed, most would agree that it is best to not stick your neck out too much for someone else. Self preservation is everyone's motto. If, instead, one sees the need to right a wrong or help someone in need even though to do so may make one vulnerable, that person is often regarded as misguided at the very least, but more often viewed as reckless or even downright stupid.

So when one does choose to "do the right thing" in the face of such societal opposition, it's very easy for one to feel a sense of moral pride in oneself. It's very easy to pat ourselves on the back and say to oneself, "not many people would have done what I did", "I'm a pretty good person". If we're not careful, it's also easy for us to then ignore some responsibilities that we don't really want to address because, after all, look what I've already done. I've done my part. But often what we've done is only a fraction of what we are capable of. It costs us very little. As Jesus once said about the poor widow's small little contribution to the church compared to the rich man's large donation; the rich man was very proud and made a great show of dropping all his large coins into the box so everyone could hear what a great donation he had made, but it represented only a miniscule fraction of his wealth and was no real sacrifice to him. The widow's donation, however was all she had on which to live.

Every time I think I've done some great deed and am tempted to give myself a pat on the back, I'm reminded that (as we heard in church service recently) all of our best deeds are but filthy rags in the sight of the Lord. This does not dissuade me from trying to do good deeds, but instead keeps me mindful of my sinful nature and my tendency to want to feed my ego with my little offerings. It reminds me that my "good deeds" are a requirement and a responsibility of my discipleship in Christ and, as such, should not be applauded any more than the daily brushing of my teeth. Serving others until it hurts is even more than a responsibility; it's a privilige.

Father, please bless me each day with the privilige to serve another. When I am able to provide some assistance or service to someone else in need, please help me to quickly forget my "good deed" and think of it no more highly than the act of putting my shoes on today. Everything I have to give, whether it be material or skill, I only have because You gave it to me first. Without You, I am nothing.

The Spirit Is Willing, But The Flesh Is Weak

Am I the only one that has ever had great plans and aspirations, but can’t seem to muster the resolve to bring them to action? I like to blame it on getting older and having less energy. Course one of the reasons I have less energy is because I had plans and aspirations to begin working out and exercising and eating better foods, but………. Well, you know the rest of the story. Am I the only one who has ever had a bad habit that was hurting me physically or spiritually and, despite a good deal of prayer and my best intentions, I continued the bad habit?

Jesus tells us that “the spirit is willing, but the body is weak” (Matthew 26:41; Mark 14:38). When Jesus was praying in the garden of Gethsemane and asked His closest disciples to pray and keep watch, despite their best intentions they kept falling asleep. I think sometimes that we are simply physically and spiritually lazy and even though we confess our desire to change with our mouth, it is nothing but an empty promise. In this case, I think we have to be intentional about our desire for change and develop a plan of action with deadlines and milestones to gauge achievement. We may even need to engage accountability partners to help us firm up our resolve on a daily basis. Just as the man told Jesus, “I do believe! Help me overcome my unbelief!” (Mark 9:24), we too believe that we will make the change we need to make but a part of us is holding back. Ultimately, we simply need to be consistent in our walk with God; in our reading and study of the Bible, in daily devotionals, in regular prayer/communication with Him throughout every day. “Therefore, prepare your minds for action; be self-controlled; set your hope fully on the grace to be given you when Jesus Christ is revealed. As obedient children, do not conform to the evil desires you had when you lived in ignorance. But just as he who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do…” (1 Peter 1:13-15).

I think other times we do and do and wear ourselves to the breaking point trying to change something on our own and we continue to fail. We ask ourselves, “what more can I do”? Perhaps this is necessary to get us to that breaking point where we realize that, in fact, we cannot make the necessary change in ourselves. It is only God that can change us through His Holy Spirit. Don’t take this as an excuse to cop out and do nothing to try and bring about change in your life where change is needed; but consider the fact that you need God to do the real work for you and so all you really have to do is totally surrender to Him. Sounds a lot easier than it is. Again, many of us say the right words, pray the right prayers; “I surrender to You O Lord, totally and completely, make me Your vessel and do with me what You will”. And yet still, our hearts are not always in synch with our mouths. Believe with your heart that which you say with your lips. Pray with your soul that which you beg with your tongue. Humble yourself completely. Submit totally to the power and glory and mercy and ability of the Almighty. His flesh is not weak and when you ask Him to make you clean if He is willing, He will respond, “I am willing. Be clean!” (Matthew 8:3).

Am I Doing Enough?

Am I doing enough? I think most Christians driven by their wish to emulate their Father, their Savior, their Lord and their Comforter, would have to say a resounding "No!". I've certainly felt more and more unworthy at times, the closer my walk with Jesus becomes. He has a way of shining a bright light squarely onto our selfish desires and our wished-to-be-forgotten sins. Recently I've been reading Jesus Freaks: Revolutionaries by DC Talk which chronicles the heroic actions of many, many Christian martyrs and other faithful servants who have put and still are putting their lives in danger for the sake of Christ. As I read their astounding stories, I'm both lifted up by them and crestfallen that I don't seem to measure up. I start to think things like "I need to be smuggling Bibles into China or sitting in a prison in Russia, proudly proclaiming my faith in the one true God and my savior Jesus Christ". But instead I am living in middle-class comfort in relative religious freedom here in America. Sure, I work for peanuts for a non-profit trying to help indigent substance abusers begin a process of recovery from their illness and I tithe and I volunteer for the church every week, etc.., but am I doing enough? I also just read "John's Story" by LeHaye, a fictional account about the apostle John's life. The most astounding stuff that John did happened when he was very old and frail in his 90's and beyond!!



It can be very discouraging at times to think about the fact that not only do I fall miserably short in comparison to Jesus, but I fail in comparison to the actions of many of my fellow Christians! Thankfully, God is merciful and knows better than I whether or not my actions measure up. Furthermore, it is not for me to compare myself to anyone else anyway. While my activities may seem safe and mundane, totally lacking in punch and pizazz, God has a bigger plan than I am aware of. It is my job to try my best to follow God's instructions, to give all that I have in everything that I do, knowing that the Almighty Creator of the universe is my employer and expects nothing less than my best. I don't think I will ever be able to say that I am doing enough, but I know that is the very thing that keeps me on my knees with my head bowed in humble submission. And that is when God works wonders through us.

Father, I pray that I will always be a willing vessel, to accept Your commands and to let you drive my actions. I pray that I will not focus on how much I am doing, lest I be in danger of falling into comfortable arrogance or jealous resentment. Help me to trust that whatever task You send me to do today, no matter how seemingly small and insignificant, that I will rush to comply with eagerness and joy and thank You for the honor to serve You in whatever way You see fit.

Are Competition and Christianity Compatible?

I love to compete. Ask anyone that really knows me well and they will tell you that I work just as hard to win at a kitchen table game of Monopoly as I would if I were in baseball's World Series. So as I have begun to grow in my faith and my walk with God, I have begun to question whether or not my competitive nature is compatible with Christian principles. I read all I could about Jesus life and I could not find any instances where He competed with others. I also saw both in the Bible and in my own life many instances everyday of how competition in sports, for jobs or promotions, or for even for scholarships could lead to jealousy, anger, resentment, envy and any number of other sins. Since man is created in the image of God, is a competitive nature also part of God's nature? With whom or what would God have to compete?

The only answer I have is that God has created us with the will and drive to excel. He has imbued each of us with gifts and talents and we are expected to exercise and develop those skills to their highest potential. In essence, we are only expected to compete with ourselves, to always strive to improve on our personal best. Some believe we should not expect our children to have to compete for spots on the team or in the choir; that grading children for their coursework should be abolished; that the Christian thing to do in a competitive situation is to let one's opponent win. There are several problems however with this argument.

A much better writer than I outlined several excellent points at this website: http://www.boundless.org/2005/articles/a0001572.cfm
One point this writer makes is that competition encourages excellence. When we compete, we are driven to try and give our very best. Just as we expect the vendors that compete for our business to give us the best quality product, so we should strive to give our very best at everything we do. The importance of this is emphasized when we remember that our efforts are not, after all, meant to elevate ourselves or to demonstrate our own greatness; rather our efforts are entirely meant to glorify our Lord God. As Colossians 3:23-24 tells us "Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward." The writer mentioned above says it so well when he says, "In humble dependence upon Him who gives life and breath and every good thing, we should exert ourselves with vigor in whatever our hands or minds find to do."

Like so many other things in life, our focus should be less on the win, the scoreboard, the end result, and instead should seek out the process, the journey, the learning along the way. By competing with others, I learn more about myself and I am given many opportunities to grow. I learn how to lose (or win) with grace and humility. I learn how to control or eliminate feelings of jealousy, envy, resentment and anger. I have the opportunity to learn how to improve my skills by observing, interacting or competing with individuals whose skills are greater than mine. I also may find through competition that my skill or talent is not in the area I thought (or wished) it was and have the opportunity to divert my energies to pursuits that are more in line with God's plan for me. Even if I thought it was "un-Christian" to compete, the fact is that competition is inevitable as a part of living in this world and it would be just as sinful not to exercise and strive to excel in the areas that God has blessed us.

As another greater writer said at http://www.boundless.org/2002_2003/features/a0000715.html:
"The bottom line for the Christian is that your opponent is not your enemy. They are not even your competition in one sense. If your challenge in life is to do everything as unto the Lord, then you are not being measured in terms of how you stack up to your opponent. Your value does not come from whom you outperform. Your goal is less to excel your competition than to practice the highest stewardship of the talents and capabilities God gave you." I couldn't have said it better.

There Is Joy In Change

Sometimes I think back to that time last March when I was pulling weeds in the yard and I felt God speak to me and tell me to preach His word through this blog and I begin to really see how much God has changed me. I haven't really changed myself. I'm still just as sinful and prideful as ever. But by trying each day to ask for God's forgiveness, to thank Him and praise Him for His great mercy on me despite my arrogance and pride and ego, has led to some amazing changes in my core being.

One of the biggest changes is that I don't seem to worry as much about petty things (and most everything that is of this world and not directly related to furthering God's kingdom is petty). I'm not jumping for joy with a huge sloppy grin on my face everyday, but I feel alot more peaceful and satisfied than I used to. At least I do when I'm doing the things that a Jesus follower should do like praying regularly throughout the day (really talking to God about all things big and small), reading the Bible or other sources that discuss Christian faith and life, and giving of myself to others. That's one of the big changes: I WANT to do all of the above alot more and I don't feel good when I'm not doing those things. I still struggle with many sins of pride, selfishness, anger, resentment, self-pity, etc.., but the more I pray about these things, the less problems I have with them.

I still marvel at the power of prayer, the miracle of it. Just last week I was supposed to go work as a volunteer in the nursery at church after the service i was attending and yet I was feeling very dizzy and nauseous. I knew I could not take care of eight to ten 6-12 month olds while feeling that way. I prayed for healing. I prayed that I would have fun and that the kids would have fun and that there would be little to no children who cried and could not be consoled. Amazingly, immediately after entering the nursery, I felt perfectly fine. Although two of the babies in our care were considered to be "difficult" to deal with (i.e. usually cried so much they had to be taken out of the room to other staff), both were able to stay in our room with us the entire time. One of them who cried incessantly the last two times we had her, was smiling, laughing and clapping her hands after 15 minutes with us. When the "difficult" children's parents picked them up and were as amazed as we were and began to praise us for how well we did with them, I could only say it was ENTIRELY God's doing and that we had nothing to do with it. One of the changes in me is that I ACTUALLY MEANT THAT!!! More and more I want to give God glory and praise instead of giving it to myself and that's an amazing change just since a month ago (see my previous blog post for December).

When you give your life over to Jesus, He is determined to mold and shape you into the perfect being that you were intended to be. He will not relent until you are completely refined and tested in the fire. I am finally begining to learn to appreciate the challenges and difficulties that are put before me because I know that dealing with these brings me one step closer to being what my Father wishes for me. I'm beginning to enjoy praying and waiting and watching for God's hand in my life and the miracles that follow. Thank you Father for your unceasing and loving dedication to changing and shaping me!!