There Is Joy In Change

Sometimes I think back to that time last March when I was pulling weeds in the yard and I felt God speak to me and tell me to preach His word through this blog and I begin to really see how much God has changed me. I haven't really changed myself. I'm still just as sinful and prideful as ever. But by trying each day to ask for God's forgiveness, to thank Him and praise Him for His great mercy on me despite my arrogance and pride and ego, has led to some amazing changes in my core being.

One of the biggest changes is that I don't seem to worry as much about petty things (and most everything that is of this world and not directly related to furthering God's kingdom is petty). I'm not jumping for joy with a huge sloppy grin on my face everyday, but I feel alot more peaceful and satisfied than I used to. At least I do when I'm doing the things that a Jesus follower should do like praying regularly throughout the day (really talking to God about all things big and small), reading the Bible or other sources that discuss Christian faith and life, and giving of myself to others. That's one of the big changes: I WANT to do all of the above alot more and I don't feel good when I'm not doing those things. I still struggle with many sins of pride, selfishness, anger, resentment, self-pity, etc.., but the more I pray about these things, the less problems I have with them.

I still marvel at the power of prayer, the miracle of it. Just last week I was supposed to go work as a volunteer in the nursery at church after the service i was attending and yet I was feeling very dizzy and nauseous. I knew I could not take care of eight to ten 6-12 month olds while feeling that way. I prayed for healing. I prayed that I would have fun and that the kids would have fun and that there would be little to no children who cried and could not be consoled. Amazingly, immediately after entering the nursery, I felt perfectly fine. Although two of the babies in our care were considered to be "difficult" to deal with (i.e. usually cried so much they had to be taken out of the room to other staff), both were able to stay in our room with us the entire time. One of them who cried incessantly the last two times we had her, was smiling, laughing and clapping her hands after 15 minutes with us. When the "difficult" children's parents picked them up and were as amazed as we were and began to praise us for how well we did with them, I could only say it was ENTIRELY God's doing and that we had nothing to do with it. One of the changes in me is that I ACTUALLY MEANT THAT!!! More and more I want to give God glory and praise instead of giving it to myself and that's an amazing change just since a month ago (see my previous blog post for December).

When you give your life over to Jesus, He is determined to mold and shape you into the perfect being that you were intended to be. He will not relent until you are completely refined and tested in the fire. I am finally begining to learn to appreciate the challenges and difficulties that are put before me because I know that dealing with these brings me one step closer to being what my Father wishes for me. I'm beginning to enjoy praying and waiting and watching for God's hand in my life and the miracles that follow. Thank you Father for your unceasing and loving dedication to changing and shaping me!!