You Are Not Your Own

Today I was thinking of how often I've brooded and pouted because things never seemed to work out the way I intended for them to. How often have I prayed, "Not my will, but yours Lord" and yet still stung with bitterness and anger when I didn't get what I wanted? 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 says "Do you not know that.......you are not your own; you were bought with a price...". Rather than try to stumble around and think of how to address this subject, I want to just remind everyone of what Oswald Chambers says in his very popular daily devotional, "My Utmost For His Highest":

There is no such thing as a private life, or a place to hide in this world, for a man or woman who is intimately aware of and shares in the sufferings of Jesus Christ. God divides the private life of His saints and makes it a highway for the world on one hand and for Himself on the other. No human being can stand that unless he is identified with Jesus Christ. We are not sanctified for ourselves. We are called into intimacy with the gospel, and things happen that appear to have nothing to do with us. But God is getting us into fellowship with Himself. Let Him have His way. If you refuse, you will be of no value to God in His redemptive work in the world, but will be a hindrance and a stumbling block.

The first thing God does is get us grounded on strong reality and truth. He does this until our cares for ourselves individually have been brought into submission to His way for the purpose of His redemption. Why shouldn't we experience heartbreak? Through those doorways God is opening up ways of fellowship with His Son. Most of us collapse at the first grip of pain. We sit down at the door of God's purpose and enter a slow death through self-pity. And all the so-called Christian sympathy of others helps us to our deathbed. But God will not. He comes with the grip of the pierced hand of His Son, as if to say, "Enter into fellowship with Me; arise and shine". If God can accomplish His purposes in this world through a broken heart, then why not thank Him for breaking yours?

I've struggled, like many, for years with anger, bitterness, envy and other ego-centric, selfish sinful behavior that takes the focus off of Jesus and places it squarely on myself and my circumstances. Over the years I've tried to learn and am still trying to learn how to surrender completely as my Savior surrendered His all for me. My Lord has promised me in Jeremiah 29:11-13 "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." Even when its raining, I will remember to praise the Lord God for allowing me to share in His suffering and to be a part of the accomplishment of His holy purposes.

It's raining in my bedroom
Most every night.
Massive, crushing drops
Keep knocking out my light.

My rain-catchers are everywhere,
My room looks a wreck,
Sometimes I punch at the drops furiously,
It has no effect.

Still I try to match the storm
Fury for fury.
My fate I won't accept,
My fear I can't bury.

The tempest has settled in,
A Lion licking a thick, hard bone.
I have dreams, wishes impossible,
The rain has its own.

Dive Deep!!

In Ted Dekker's widely acclaimed Christian fantasy, the Circle Trilogy, characters live in a world in which, like the Garden of Eden, man has crossed a boundary that God said not to cross and now live in a fallen world that is only a shadow of what it once was. Those who still follow God (called Elyon in the book), must bathe daily in one of several lakes He has provided which have the power to invigorate, refresh, and cleanse the bather while also keeping them from developing the hardened skin and hardened hearts that are characteristic of the Horde, those who reject Elyon. For a Horde member to cross over and become a follower of Elyon, he must dive deep into the lake where he literally dies and then is reborn through Elyon's mercy and love.

I don't think I've ever been completely like a member of the Horde. I've always believed in God and never completely rejected Him. However, even as believers it's far too easy to just walk along the shore, occasionally dipping a toe in the surf; or to just wade into the kiddie pool and splash around occasionally, secure in our little world of "safe" Christianity. Maybe we go to church every Sunday, say grace over our meals, consistently bring our tithe, even do a little volunteer service. But that's just wading in the kiddie pool. Others are even more deluded because they truly believe that they are swimming in the deep waters. They are at church every day the doors are open, attending every service, constantly volunteering in the church and in the community, attending Bible studies and every study series or group event the church sponsors. But for some of those people, they're only stone-skipping, barely breaking the surface.

In fact, for some, this flurry of activity is just a way to keep themselves too busy to ever really go deep. In Matthew 7, Jesus says that many will cry "Lord, Lord", that they did so much for Him, and He will respond, "I never knew you". In "Mere Christianity", C.S. Lewis reminds us that Jesus doesn't just want us to give Him a hand, he wants the whole body. He doesn't just want to be a part of our life, He wants all of our life (Satan has hidden my copy of Mere Christianity from me or I would quote it exactly). Diving deep means going "all in", or "full on" as worship pastor Pace Hartfield says, and giving our heart, mind, soul and body to God every minute of every day. Sound like a tall order? It is and yet I suspect it's simple enough for a child to do and understand.

Diving deep is breathing in the cleansing water of Christ, trusting that I will not drown, but will instead be freer than I've ever imagined. Diving deep is a minute by minute, second by second conversation with Christ, even in silence. Diving deep is leaving who you think you are behind, along with all your man-made dreams and aspirations, and allowing yourself to trust in the God-size dream that you can't quite yet wrap your mind around. Diving deep is not religion my friend. It's breaking free of the pathetic glitter of this world we are visiting and remembering not to get comfortable here. You think you're living large? Unless you're diving deep in your relationship with Christ, you're no more alive than a rotting carcass on the side of the road.

For those about to rot,

Some urgent words I carry.

Rest assured regarding my credentials,

The cancer may assume a different name,

But the death doesn't vary.

My eyes too have squinted through that milky film,

My lips crusted black with dried blood,

The pain in my brain swallowing my vigor,

My legs sprinting nowhere, knee-deep in a flood of mud.

So heed me when I say, I've done my share of rotting

In my world without motion,

And the stench from my sores never ceased for one second,

Until I got out of my pool,

And dived into the ocean.

Swimming in the ocean has never been my style,

With its barnacles, seaweed, and muck from distant foundries.

The swimming pool is clear, filtered

And has the safety of boundaries.

The swimming pool has lifeguards nearby

Who make rules by which to abide.

In the ocean one is alone

With the sea creatures and miles of water,

And constant is the struggle

Against waves, wind, and tide.

Nevertheless, my dive into the ocean

Is truly what set me free.

Maybe there was too much chlorine,

But my swimming pool was choking me.

Freedom now is much more than just a notion,

As now I can swim

With my sloughed off skin

And raft on the fresh salty motion.

Back In Time

Well, I haven't posted anything in almost two months. Although I've had some passionate discussions on important subjects with some close friends, there's been nothing I felt like writing about. So... I've decided to reach back in my distant past, a past in which I used to write constantly, usually in the form of very brief stories, poems or what I called "Notes to Myself". This was about 1993, fifteen years ago!!! After re-reading alot of these writings, and in light of my life and beliefs today, many have taken on a whole new meaning for me than what I originally intended when I wrote them. In the next few weeks or days or months, I'll share some of these thoughts from back in time.

As many of you know me as kind of a quiet fellow, I used to write about things like solitude and feeling like an alien. For example:

Solitude is both a precious gift and a curse.

Like a sweet chocolate, we all crave it at times, but only for a taste as too much can make one sick.

As He did, we all need to disconnect from the multitudes at times and reconnect with that which breathes fire into our souls.

Where the demands are few and the love has no conditions.

When our fire is burning low after so many's expectations met, solitude is a blessed reward.

But any blessing can be turned to ill as those confined to solitary aloneness within steel-barred homes can attest; or a child banished to cry alone behind the locked door of a space fit only for hangars; or an adult-child shunned by all when solitude means failure.

Being connected with the Source is the key to never being alone in the crowd.

The Source keeps us grounded and fans the embers to a healthy glow, but humanity is another piece of the Source without which we cannot be complete.

I love Solitude......................................... in measured portions.

So stay connected to the Source: God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit. Use solitude on occasion to help stay connected to the Source, but know that we are made to share our humanity with others like us too and we need that connection as well. On the topic of our senior pastor's current sermon series, Leaving Lust Vegas, it's also important to remember that the enemy can use too much solitude to make you numb and disconnected. The evil one will then try to lead you into temptation and this should be avoided at all costs. A quick poem I wrote 15 years ago perhaps illustrates how one can get deluded into believing that worldly pursuits will result in a true deep connection, when in fact they are just like stone-skipping on the surface:

Cold air rushes by,

Unfelt.

Updrafts, downdrafts

Pass unnoticed but for occasional

Swift jarring,

Absorbed painlessly as cleaver to carcass.

My engine's soft whirr

Spelling silence breaks

And reminds me my presence

Being real,

Propelling me within this steel case.

What a scene below!

The sounds, colors, smells

Swirling up, up and around

My propellers splashing them

Against the shield.

Deceit most assured,

This cursed craving being all too human

Draws my sight from the hook

To pursue hopeful lure

Ashamedly

Not unknown to me.

Real contact

Tempts me down again,

Wheels only skimming the surface,

Stone-skipping,

Illusory ground only liquid earth after all.

Contact denied.