Confessions Of A Loser

Many of you who know me know that I love the game of poker. I play regularly in an amateur poker league that holds tournaments at various restaurants and sports bars around town each week. There is no money paid and people mainly play, like I do, for the competition, the chance to accrue points and be the best player at various venues, and for the social contact with friends who play. I've often referred to this as my "poker ministry" because, although I play with many Christians, many of the players appear to be far from Jesus and I try to influence them toward Jesus in my own small ways while I play.

I've had my share of success on the felt and certainly more than my share of losses. Poker is definitely a game of skill, contrary to many people's beliefs, but also has a component of chance involved. This means that even the most skillful player who makes all the correct moves can be beaten on any given day by someone who gets lucky. Lately I've had an unusually high number of such instances in which I was beaten against extremely high odds. Given my competitive nature, this has resulted in anger and frustration and, quite frankly, a good dose of self-pity at my bad fortune even though I played correctly. Dont' get me wrong, I am a good sport at the table. I always smile, say "good game" and initiate shaking the hand of the person who beat me. It just gets to me sometimes when I seem to lose over and over again with the best starting hand and someone who doesn't seem to "deserve" to win beats me by catching an impossible one card in the deck that can beat me. I've also begun to notice a pattern that out of seven people at the table who could have beaten me, it is ALWAYS the one person at the table that is most annoying to me that beats me. They are usually very loud, proclaiming how great they are, are extremely lucky with the worst cards, etc...

So what does all of this mean? I see several themes here. The two biggest ones, my biggest challenges in my walk with Jesus, are complete surrender and pride/ego. By identifying someone at the table who annoys me and I think doesn't "deserve" to win, I am being arrogant, prideful and egotistic. Instead of loving that person despite their faults, I'm despising them and desperately hoping to see them lose. Is it no wonder that Jesus sees to it that I lose to that very person instead of any one of six others I could have lost to? Perhaps some of you think that Jesus doesn't involve Himself in the outcome of card games. I think He does when He is trying to teach somebody something.

So for me, I think He is desperately trying to teach me how to die to self so I can truly live for Him. I have to surrender completely. I have to lose my ego in order to gain humility. On the way home from a horrendous loss in a tournament today, I looked up to see a large billboard on the highway from some company like the Weight Control Center that said in huge letters "You have everything to gain by losing". Coincidence? I think not. Jesus said it over and over again. Many who are first will be last and many who are last will be first (Mark 10:31; Matthew 19:30; Matthew 20:16) and whoever wants to save his life will lose it but whoever loses his life for me will find it (Matthew 16:25; Matthew 10:39; Mark 8:35; Luke 9:24; Luke 17:33; John 12:25).

Father God, Jesus, help me to learn how to give up my pride and ego and things of this life so that I can truly have the life You intended for me to have and help to win souls for you, not card games for me.