Who Are Your Friends?

For the past several months, I've been praying to God for some male Christian friendship. I have several people I call friends and a few in particular that I consider to be good friends, but most of my good friends live many miles from me and have schedules and family lives that don't seem to coincide with mine. Now I admit, I'm a pretty pathetic prospect for a male friend. I don't play or keep up with any sports (as the guys in my church hometeam know now that they've seen me play golf!), I don't know how to do anything mechanical, I'm not a thrill seeker, and I'm not very funny or good with jokes. The fact is, I'm more introverted than extroverted and I'm a deep thinker who's not very good at small talk. So I'm a challenge! But I know that with God all things are possible.

My need for a male Christian friend is a very egoic thing in my opinion since when I am in complete alignment with God, I have no needs. But sustained alignment with God is not something I've yet achieved and, therefore, I continue to have these worldly needs. Did Jesus have the need for close friends? I think He enjoyed human companionship but I'm not sure He needed it. And like most celebrities, I think He had a hard time finding anyone in this world that He could really relate to. He was the Messiah, the Teacher, the Savior and those around Him were the flock, the students, the disciples, those in need. Everyone wanted something from Him because He was their leader. Sure He had James and John and Peter who He seemed to be the closest with, but was there really an equal exchange between them as there is in a regular friendship?

I think even though Jesus may not have had the same kind of need for friends that we have, I think He would agree that Christian fellowship and friendship is a very necessary activity to help us grow, strengthen and sustain our faith and our character. Good Christian friends can help lift us up when we are low by reminding us that God is always there to hold us up and keep us from falling if we simply turn to Him. They are there to reinforce our decisions for doing the right thing in a world that often values getting ahead at any cost. Friends give us perspective when we are in a negative state of mind or on an inflated ego trip by showing us we are not the only ones with problems like ours and by keeping us grounded in reality. But mostly I think, friends give us the opportunity to learn to serve others in a safe environment. Being a friend involves commitment and sacrifice, two things that many of us are short on. So our friendships give us the chance to practice being committed and sacrificing with people who will probably still be our friend even if we mess up a few times. I had the honor to witness this type of behavior among a group of guys from my church hometeam on a recent "guys only" trip together out of state. The commitment to service and sacrifice was evident in each one of them and I learned alot from them.

I should say that it is good to also have some non-Christian friends in your life. These will not be your closest confidantes most likely, but they provide us with opportunities also to grow and strengthen our faith. Jesus was our model for hanging out with all the "sinners" who were far from God. I reminded my 16 year old daughter of this recently when she and a friend of hers hosted a pool party at our house. The friend of my daughter invited several people from another school who, as it turns out, were mostly interested in smoking and doing drugs and wanted to leave when they found out that wasn't happening at our party. Even though my daughter knew she was doing the right thing, she felt the sting of rejection. When she stated that these individuals should never have been invited, I reminded her that Jesus tells us to invite the poor, the oppressed, and those far from God to our feasts, parties and activities. How else can these wayward children of God be reminded of what they lost and return to their Father? So, friends who are far from God are a good thing too, but I have plenty of those in my "poker ministry".

So, if you're not quite like Jesus, like I am not, and you still feel the need for Christian friendship, just be a good friend to everyone you meet and surely God will lead to you one or two close brothers or sisters in the Spirit with whom you can commune on the issues closest to your heart and share in activities that you both enjoy. Even more important though, talk to your friend Jesus everyday at all times in all things, for there is no one who knows the issues closest to your heart better, who feels your pain and revels with you in your triumphs, who needs nothing from you and is willing and already has given His all just for you.