The Art of Losing Myself

Just as I thought I was beginning to find myself, my place in the Christian community, in God's family, I realize I still have much more losing of myself to do yet. While God has continued to give me little morsels of encouragement, times in which I feel inexplicably touched by the Spirit, this is often followed, equally inexplicably, by a period of being down, even feeling some doubt. I think what I'm feeling is my smallness next to God's greatness and the reminder that without Him, I can do nothing, I am nothing, without Him. As Jesus says in John 15:5, "I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing". This truth is hard to swallow for one with ambition and a competitive spirit. There is nothing of any consequence that I can accomplish apart from Jesus. Because, apart from Jesus, there is nothing of any consequence. I have to lose the idea of who I think I am and allow Jesus to show me who He made me to be. Funny, I think in losing myself, I will finally find myself who I lost originally long ago.

Lord, let me lose myself gazing into Your loving eyes. Let me lose myself in passionate search for Your face. Let me lose myself so that I forget what is important to me and remember what is important to you. Let me immerse myself in Your world as I turn away from this world. Let me lose myself in you so that no one who knows me would know me. Lord, I pray that my self is lost so thoroughly that I myself do not recognize myself. Then together we will smile.