Empty Hands

I've blogged about the fact that, like many, I used to say to myself "I believe in you Jesus and I offer my life to you and I appreciate your sacrifice on the cross but....... I don't think I've done anything worth you having to die for me". Then, in the last year, the Holy Spirit convicted me of my past (and present) that I thought was "not so bad", and I understood that I'm a sinner that does not deserve to be with God, that I deserve to die for my sins, the biggest of which I think is the sin of pride, and I knew what Jesus sacrifice was all about.

But that swung me to the opposite end of the spectrum and I have had a hard time accepting that I am saved, free and clear, and totally forgiven and don't have to lift a finger for it. What about James 2:14 I argue which says "What good is it my brothers, if a man claims to have faith but has no deeds? Can such faith save him?" Having been brought up to believe that one can only receive great things by working hard for them, I have been tempted to believe that if I am not working hard enough for the Lord, I may lose my salvation. Or perhaps I never had it until I have proven myself by working out my faith through my good actions.

And so, I lament and worry that because I have not read my Bible every day, have not prayed fervently enough, have not given enough of my time or money to those in need, that I may be one of those to whom Jesus says, "Leave me, I never knew you". I've never been good at relationships with people who are standing right in front of me. How then can I possibly have a good enough relationship with Jesus, who I cannot see, hear or feel in the flesh? How will I know if I've "made the grade". Will I be a "keeper" or will Jesus throw me back because I didn't measure up?

My friends, these are things that zip around in my mind; all the while in my heart I know the truth. The truth being that Jesus' sacrifice was an act of mercy and grace, a gift that I can never earn or repay. The Bible says that my greatest acts are nothing but dirty rags in the Lord's sight. There is nothing I can give Jesus. Except myself. I don't know why He would want me, but He does!! Not only that but He courts and woos me like I am the rarest of gold. He wants to give me such an abundance of blessing that I cannot even conceive of its enormity. Jesus is a giver, not a taker. When I give my time or my money to the homeless or to children in need, do I do it hoping and expecting that they will give something back to me in return? Of course not!! And neither does Jesus give in order that I'll give enough back to make us even. I breathe out each breath every second only because of His grace, mercy, forgiveness, and love.

So, yes I want to do a better job of reading God's Word and talking to Him daily in prayer and offering my time and money to help others around me and loving those who frustrate me and anger me, but........ not so that I will feel I've done enough to earn my place in heaven. If I come to Jesus with hands and arms full of stuff to present to Him, I am just denying myself His rich blessings. But when I come to Him with empty hands, though I may have done innumerable good deeds, when I come to Him humbled with my hands outstretched offering only myself, then I am able to have my arms filled with His blessings. So filled that I can't hold them all and so I run out and pour out my blessings on others and I return to God again with empty hands, ready for Him to fill me up.